Each Fall as a new school year begins, we have a huge back to school bash. Kids can come in and get free bookbags, free vision and dental screenings and have many of their school supplies paid for.
When anyone needs clothes, there are at least four clothes closets operating in the county, each one full of free clothes, shoes, underwear and more...all for the taking. I know at least one closet has a volunteer employed by Walmart, who allows her to bring discontinued clothes in for the closet.
And then there are the many churches and other organizations who offer food boxes. Some have their own projects; others are offered in partnership with the Chattanooga area Food Bank.
These programs are in place because there are needs. A lot of families struggle here. Like you, I don't like seeing anyone have to struggle with the basics. Everyone deserves to be clothed, to have food, and to have some help with their kids at Christmas when they are working to make ends meet and the 'extras' become too much.
However, when recipients turn generosities into expectations, rather that things to be appreciated and grateful for, that's when 'free' becomes a problem.
I remember a few years ago when Adams Air first began distributing bicycles and other large gifts at the parade. Those who received the gifts were genuinely delighted; people were excited for those who had received the gifts. It was a great year that seemed to bring happiness to the community. Many people thought very well of the Adams Air family and commented on what a wonder gesture it had been.
Then the second year came. Again, Adams Air delivered on the bicycles. Again, recipients were delighted and others were happy for them. But then...they naysayers chimed in. Why wasn't THEIR grandson chosen for a bike? Couldn't they see that the child who did receive the bike, standing right next to him, wore better clothes and had a family who could have clearly afforded to buy him his own bike?
Then the third year came. Still happiness for the recipients, still great feedback from the community. But then, the great feedback was in head-to-head competition with the negative feedback from certain individuals who did not receive bikes. In three short years, the man who had put out a goodwill gesture of paying money out of his own pocket to purchase bikes for kids that he didn't even know was now the subject of an online verbal tirade because the 3 seconds he had to scan the audience for a recipient of one of his gifts wasn't 'choosing properly' time and time again.
Then, there was an incident at one of our free clothes closets. This clothes closet was given brand new children's coats to pass on to needy children. Understandably, the giver wanted assurance that the coats would be given to children in need. After all, these closets are not immune to resellers, who frequent even free closets in search of items they can later turn into cash.
As part of the effort, it was decided that the child needed to be present to receive these particular coats. Cue the clothes closet Karen. She walked up to a volunteer with a literal garbage bag full of clothing that had already been selected, asking if she could then claim one of the coats. When it was explained that the child needed to be present to receive a new coat, suddenly, the very people overseeing the distribution of 'free' became the most awful people in the world. This lady then made a grand gesture of calling to her grown daughter across the room, telling her they needed to leave because 'apparently according to these people I'm not worthy of a good coat' even as she had dozens of other pieces bagged up. (Her upset, of course, wasn't so deep that she felt the bagged items needed to have been left behind).
When people who don't make considerations for anyone other than themselves, who take 'free' when they have no real need, who create situations where kindhearted people suddenly don't feel like being so kindhearted anymore because of the treatment they've received from entitled people, that's when 'free' can become a problem.
I know some are reading this and ready to offer a response that begins with 'But what about......'. Trust me, I know all about the 'what abouts' and this is in no way to be considered a blanket statement. There are people who are disabled, who are elderly, people who have struggled to find work for months without success, people leaving domestic violence and other family situations and are getting a fresh start, children who have been left to the care of the foster system, people who truly try by working themselves to the bone at two jobs and still not being able to make ends meet. This is not about any of those people, as a matter of fact, those most in need are the best at being thankful and showing appreciation. This is about those who take with no consideration for others, who not only expect someone else to foot the bill, but become angry when they don't, and who never seem to comprehend that sometimes, the givers are sacrificing things they need so others can be a little better off.
If you ever find yourself in need, and something is being offered, receive it and use it, but offer something back in return. Not a physical item, or money, but a smile, a 'thank you' and 'I appreciate this'. These simple words are in themselves free and go a long way in encouraging those who are being generous to continue doing what they do. Because every person who gives isn't always just giving their extra, sometimes they're giving by sacrificing. Because they see other's needs for basic necessities a little more important than their house repairs, new clothes, or a dining out experience. And for that, they deserve to know their efforts are appreciated.
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